EXTREMELY IMPORTANT RECALL NOTICE:
The Maker of all human beings, (GOD,) is recalling all manufactured units, regardless of make, model or year, due to a serious defect in the primary operation and central components of the human heart. This is due to a malfunction that was discovered in the original prototype units, code named: Adam and Eve; which resulted in the defect being reproduced in all subsequent units. This deficiency has been identified as: "Non-Adherence to the Sub-sequential-Internal-Morality Programming Norms," more commonly known as, S.I.N.Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of original programming
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this imperfection, is providing factory-authorized repair and service, free-of-charge, to completely correct this shortcoming. The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden and charges of the staggering cost of these repairs. And, no additional fees are required. The entire repair cost has been previously paid for. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN by following the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download, ATONEMENT, from the Repair Technician, Jesus; send it to the heart component of the model you are currently using. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will gladly replace it with:
1. Love2. Joy
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E., (BEST Instructions Before Leaving Earth), for further details on how to make the soundest use of this fix. WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without this correction, voids any and all manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to grave dangers and problems too numerous to list, all of which will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call Jesus, immediately.DANGER: Any human being unit not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. An active SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven, so as to prevent them from contaminating future production at the manufacturing facility.
Thank you for your attention!P. S. Please assist whenever and wherever possible by notifying others of this important recall notice and you may contact the Plant Manager any time you like by using, 'Knee mail.'
(Working for God on earth might not pay very much......but His retirement plan is out of this world!)